Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
