even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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