toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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