I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
