you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
