I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
