i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
