I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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