Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
