I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
