I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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