Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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