Dual....:-)
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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