I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
