he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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