There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
