A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
