My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You smell like stripper and shame
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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