someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
