I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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