There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Houston, we have a squirter
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
