He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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