i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
