YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
