I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
