I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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