Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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