I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
