he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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