So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
