Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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