is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
