Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
