I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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