we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
