In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
