she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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