I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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