your thong is hanging out like whoa
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
