I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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