i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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