i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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