Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
