that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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