Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
