Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
