Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize