What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline