My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress