is your mom at the bar?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette