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I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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