just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.