how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize