Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
