I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
