Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
