Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize