Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
