I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
