oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
