she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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