You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
