her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
