somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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