chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
