I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
