If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They have beer where we have blood.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
