I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
