Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
