need another drink. this is the easiest way
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
