Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
