you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you are never too drunk for berry picking
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
