im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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