She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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