I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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