I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
