Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize