p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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