We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
