Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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