Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
a search helicopter?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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