forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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