Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
