they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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