Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
