It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
