yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
