I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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