i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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