Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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