He is such a slut. More and more my type.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thank you for not boning my boss.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
