people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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