You're my little dorito
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
